Well, this is it, I guess.

Today is graduation day at APSU so I guess I just farted around too long and didn't get those last three reviews done.  I would do it tonight... but it's too late, I'm sure.  I have had a rough semester.  I know, everyone says that, but I mean it.  With one glaring exception, no one event in and of itself made it a terrible semester, and overall, in many ways, I was blessed.  That glaring exception affected me in every way.  Physically, I am recovering from the stress.  Emotionally, I am currently going through an easy-cry stage.  Is it because it's Mother's Day weekend?  Because today's the last day for our seniors?  Because my son is graduating?  Because my cat is old?  Or am I just glad to get the semester over finally?  Could be any or all the above.  Spiritually, I can't even think about how I really feel, and I sure don't want to talk about it.

Mentally, I am not quite as dazed and confused as I was for a month or so, but I'm still trying to get adjusted to the new reality.  Who am I now?  I am still a daughter, but my relationship with my dad is different than the one I had with my mom.  I no longer have that feeling that Mom will say, "Don't do that" or "Don't wear that" or "You don't need to eat that" or "They're looking at you..." like she did most of my life.  I never outgrew that until now, at age... let's just say pushing 50.  Now I have the voice saying, "Do what makes you happy," or "Just be yourself" - also messages she gave me, but for some reason now they make sense - and I think, is this what makes me happy?

Maybe most troubling of all is the new voice I hear... my own, I guess... saying, "Life is short.  You've got to make a difference.  You haven't done what you set out to do.  What are you going to do about THAT?"  The answer is, I still don't know.  I know I don't want to be a tech coach anymore, but I have enjoyed and definitely benefited from working on my MAEd.  I enjoy the design part and the web design part and I'm sure I'll use those skills.  Now I only have one class to go, this summer, and then what will I do with myself?  I guess I'll try to do all those things I've been hearing my own voice suggest.